Time to grow.

I absolutely love Linda Eyre. I love all of her books. "I didn't mean to be a witch" and "A joyful mother of young children" are two of my favorites. I will have to add this one to the list. I believe I was inspired to grab this off my book shelf one Sunday before we moved to Korea. I was so engrossed in what little I read. I knew that this is what our family needed to do this year. It is a year long program, and goes month by month with what to teach and ideas for goals etc.

from the book...

the apostle Paul wrote, "If I have not charity, I am nothing." conversely, if we have charity, we can become everything that we (and god) want ourselves to be. Charity is the ultimate solution because it is the purest form of love. It overcomes the "leaves" and "branches" of jealousy, rebellion, shyness, depression, immaturity and various forms of sin by attacking and destroying the "roots" of selfishness and self-consciousness.

October was our first month implementing the program. The focus for this month was "His (Jesus Christ's) pure love for us." When we truly understand and feel how much God loves us, not only does it make us want to return that love through obedience and kindness to others, but it helps us be even better at it. The book has many stories and illustrations. This one was my favorite.

"A friend of ours had a dream that she has never forgotten. Unlike most dreams that fade, this one somehow grows stronger. In it she was sitting on a mountainside overlooking a lake and listening to one who stood, speaking, holding his audience spellbound. She became aware that it was Christ, that he was giving the Sermon on the Mount. The feeling she remembers is one of awe and of fear: fear that he would look at her, that his eyes would meet hers, and that he would see into her, through her, discovering all her faults. She prayed that he would not look.

And then he did look at her, directly into her eyes. In an instant her fear was transformed into love. she knew that he saw all that she was, all that was inside her. But she also knew he would always love her. She was warmed and softened and lifted by his gaze. She prayed that he would never look away."

When I first read this it hit me so powerfully. I think because I feel just like this woman. I try so hard to be so good, but I inevitably fail miserably on a daily basis. I can understand her fear to look into his eyes. I would want him to look at me and feel his approval but would be so scared because I am embarrassed and ashamed of my many failings. I just cried when I read what happened when he did look into her eyes. The love she felt overcame any feelings of fear anxiety, depression, jealousy, pride etc. etc. She felt the pure love of Christ. She felt Charity.

So here is the key. When we feel that love. When we feel no fear etc. We are not only humbled by it, but we are transformed and are better able to reach out and love others. We become a powerful influence for good. So you can see why Satan wants to hold us back from feeling God's love. He wants us huddled in a corner and too discouraged to do anything. I really don't like him at all, and that isn't being uncharitable. ha ha.

I hope the kids are benefiting from this as much as I am! I always thought I loved others. After reading this book, I realized I have a long way to go. Luckily Heavenly Father inspired me to get a move on it since this past Sunday I was called to be the district Relief Society president. Say what?? That was a shocker. There are 6 English speaking branches in South Korea that I will work with. I'm not nervous, I know Heavenly Father will make me equal to the task, and will tell me exactly what to do. I love him, and am happy to serve in any way. Although, I really thought I had gotten off the hook when I volunteered to do nursery. I love being in the nursery with those sweet little ones. Who doesn't love singing songs, giving hugs, and eating snacks? Don't worry, I still get to be the nursery leader too. ha ha. what's next? Let me guess, I will become pregnant. ha ha. I think God knows better than that. smile. No, it is just time to grow. I have been feeling that since the beginning of the year. Things have calmed down in other areas of my life, and I feel like personally, I need to take the next step (or 10 steps). I need to grown in my marriage, as a mother, and as a person. ouch. Yah, it hurts, but i must. smile.

Next months focus is "our pure love for him."

PS On a shallower note.... Have you noticed my teasing glimpses of my new bedding from west elm? So cozy.