Tuesday, December 20, 2011

How to raise great kids?

(on a recent family outing)

You know what is crazy? People are actually asking me for advice on how to raise great kids!
(although I do admit that my kids are great.
They are just assuming it is because of something that i did! ha)
Rewind 10 years ago........no one was asking me for advice. I had 5 kids under the age of 8. I was basically a walking add for birth control. ha ha. Seriously though, I was barely holding it together. Smart, imaginative, and confident kids aren't always so fun or easy to control when they are little. Picture in your mind hand drawn murals on your walls, forever escaping, and constant inappropriate comments. (And that was only Rachel. ha ha.) My mom wanted me to take Rachel to see a psychiatrist. Let me tell you, no one was wanting to be me 10 years ago.

So what is the secret? How do I have this strong, confident, beautiful, A+ student of a daughter now. Now that people have been asking me, I have been really thinking about it. What is the answer?

We all want it to be easy. A quick fix. But like everything, it is just plugging along trying to be a better mom every day. And that is a slow, long, and sometimes painful process. It is being humble and totally dependent on God to help you, and let you know what to do next with each child. It is listening and following everything that the prophet says. It is reading scriptures and praying every day. It is going to the temple at least once a month with your husband as an example when they are young, and taking them once a month when they are old enough. It is teaching them to love and serve everyday by example, and having them help you serve others. It is again, by being humble, and asking your child's forgiveness when you mess up (and that is often my friends). It is going to church every week to take the sacrament and renew our covenants with the Lord to love, serve and keep his commandments. It is putting God first in your life, and teaching them that everything else will work for your good if you do.

This last general conference of our church (when we hear the prophet, apostles etc. speak every 6 months), there was a great talk entitled "Love her mother" by Elaine Dalton who is the president over the 12-18 year old girls in the entire church. The subtitle for her talk is...

"How can a father raise a happy, well- adjusted daughter in today's increasingly toxic world?"

The answer has been taught by the Lord’s prophets. It is a simple answer, and it is true—“The most important thing a father can do for his [daughter] is to love [her] mother.”

She goes on to explain why, and also other things that a father needs to do and be for his daughter. But interesting that the most important is to love her mother.

I know it is true as well. Lately my kids found out that Dave, while I was on my mission would send me cassette tapes of him talking to me. On one tape, he was in the car driving and played a song (totally illegal. ha) and sang along with it to me.

It is called "I'll Never Let You Go" by steelheart.

Well, all of a sudden, the song is on every one of my kids i-pods and they are listening to it all the time. The funniest is I see Lizzie at the computer doing something and she is singing a long with the song as it is playing (she knows all the words. I don't even know all the words). You will realize how funny this is when you hear the song. It's this total heavy metal old song. Cracks me up.

Then, it hit me. I remembered this talk by Sister Dalton and I realized my kids all love this song because it represents the love their dad has for their mom. and that is the most comfortable, safe, and wonderful feeling a child can have.

So the kids will put on the song and dave and i will slow dance together, while he sings it to me. They all watch on with sparkly eyes and faces.

So here it is. Enjoy. You are going to be dying laughing.
Especially when you think of dave and that last high note. classic.

"I'll never let you go" by steelheart

PS-I was watching the video and Lizzie asked how do I know this song. I explained what song it was and she completely knows it. She looked at the guy singing and asked if they are just kidding, or if this music video is serious. I explained, they are serious, it was just made a long time ago. To which she replied, "scare me, scare me." which is what Ammon says when he is scared of something. too funny. When Jacob saw it, I told him that Dad would love to be the main singer here. Jacob's face showed great confusion, and he let me know that is the last thing he would ever want to do or be. So, I guess there is a generation gap. ha ha.


Bennions said...

I love your comments. My Mom use to say (regarding one of my beautiful daughters)
that when her social grace catches up with her intellect you should be just fine.

Evaly said...

Thank you for sharing this post- I am expecting my 5th and sometimes it is terrifying to think of raising all of these kids to be good :) It's nice to hear that the consistent work pays off. I enjoy your blog and found it a couple years ago when I had a photography business. Now I enjoy reading about your cute family and especially when you share things like this. Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

cara heather. buon natale. how are you? i can't believe you broke the mission rules and listened to a heavy metal band. and to think i looked up to you....:) this song cracks me up! funny! i hope you all have a very merry christmas. did you do cards? we are well. miss you. i am still your biggest blog fan. xoxoxo

Kara said...

Oh Heather, if you only knew how often I refer to your children as the greatest children EVER! Seriously. It is reassuring to know that it wasn't always that way for you and perhaps when we push through the puddles of urine on our floor (Mya potty training) or fingerprints on furniture, windows, walls, etc., that we too will be graced with wonders as well ;) You are an amazingl Mom and an admired family. Thank you for your words of wisdom. I will soak them up :)

keralapscinfo said...

very nice post

Dahlene said...

Amen! I am exactly at this place and feeling the same way. We have great kids because of the way we've listened to the prophet, prayed daily, read scriptures daily...all these little things have paid off. It's nice to finally get the paycheck after years of work. Great post!