(back when we both gambled. You know, we are from tahoe. ha ha)When I found out that I was pregnant (at 5am one morning), I woke up Dave and told him. I wasn't exactly excited. I had finally given up after five years of hoping, and moved on. I lost weight, started teaching seminary, and signed up for every service project I ever wanted to do. But most importantly, I mentally moved on. I wasn't sad, I was excited! I could finally do all these things that I always wanted to but couldn't, because I wasn't at that stage of life yet. I was ready for a new season of life. I accepted that I was too old, and that God's answer was no. I was finally OK with that, happy, and at peace. Oh, the irony.
One of the first things that I said to Dave after I told him was, "we can give the baby to kelly!" While, of course, I wouldn't really give up my baby to anyone, my sister Kelly was one of the first things to come to my mind. WHY am I pregnant and my sister Kelly isn't? It isn't right! I'm old, and ready to move on, remember? If I could have made a deal with Heavenly Father right than (or right now) I would have. If I could give up this precious gift and give it to Kelly instead, I would. KEll, my heart is breaking for you tonight. The only thing that brings me comfort is I KNOW you WILL have more children. I KNOW, and you know it too. So yes, let's cry tonight, but be happy tomorrow because we have that faith. i love you!!
11 comments:
you're so nice. don't worry, the feeling will pass "no doubt sooner than it should" cause i'm not sick right now, haha!!
yah, and you should see how I am packing the fat back on. tonight I watched "the biggest loser" while eating every carb in sight. ha.
and ps- just so you know for sure- i am not one tiny bit sad/ jealous about your baby. i'm excited and happy and totally know everything happens to who and when for a reason from someone wise wise wise.
and i felt better one minute after crying because i imagined how pretty and romantic i must've looked with the tears streaming. ha
well than, could you start whipping up some quilts for me? smile.
you guys are funny.
I have been thinking about Kelly too, with a prayer in my heart, because I know how you feel, and how Kelly feels too.
i just reread of Anne of Green Gables, and how every dramatic moment was even better by how she knew she looked so "romantic"....ah the drama in our family! Glad I'm not sick! woo hoo! But can't wait to hold and kiss a new little one
isn't it crazy (remember how we used to say that??) how things sometimes work out? i was just thinking about you and how you will have this huge gap between numbers 5 and 6. i liked this post. it was touching.
ciao~
i have read both of yall's blogs & i just know she will have a baby too. for some reason yall's family's have touched my heart. i'm sorry to be annoying but yall are too cute!! oh, and the "yall" comes from arkansas :)
i hope you get to feeling better!
thanks alyssa. i love the ya'll.
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