i'm sad, and i need a good cry in the shower.

(i'm sad, but i haven't lost my sense of humor. Isn't this hysterical?)

i am not ungrateful or unhappy, just sad tonight.

i'm sad because i threw up this morning, and i am still so struggling with feeling well. feeling good is a fleeting thing with me.


i'm sad because my husband said when i asked him if he missed me while i was gone (and told him to be honest) he said that "things sure went smoother with me gone." (i wasn't mad, just sad, because i know what he said is true.


i'm sad because i don't even like my own company. I miss the real me. (please don't let this be the real me).


i'm sad that i don't like being pregnant, and feel guilty to say that because it is such a blessing and so many would do anything to be in my position. (and i am grateful, but i still abhor it)


i'm sad because i felt like such a useless loser at pioneer trek compared to everyone else (and that is what life is all about... comparing ourselves to others. ha ha. i am just kidding.


i'm sad because after doing the pioneer trek, i think i shouldn't go to girls camp. sniff sniff


i'm sad because i had to cancel photographing a wedding that i really really was looking forward to in Oct. sob sob


i'm sad that i don't have my mom to call and i miss her a lot, a lot, a lot.


i'm sad because my sisters won't even come and visit me!!!!! (although, i kinda don't want them to, because i am scared i won't be any fun.)



Don't worry, i won't be sad tomorrow. I will tell about my amazing experience at trek, and why my husband/father is so spectacular and list all of the things that make me happy. But, tonight i just need to allow myself to be sad.

Lots of updates.

walkers, your photo shoot is up. Just click on "client proofing" on the side bar. Enjoy.


baby update: They were worried because of my age and a measurement on the baby that it had Downs syndrome. After more tests and ultrasounds everything looks perfect. He is growing healthy and strong and kicking me all the time. I am 19 weeks, and yes, I still feel lousy a lot. Such is life.


house update: The house that we bought is slowing being renovated. Slow because of me, and my not feeling well enough to pick out what needs to go in the house. I want to publicly apologize to my general contractor for being the worst customer ever! I am way too tired and grumpy( I should say irritable) to be doing this (and moving, ahhhhh!)


summer update: The kids just play with friends all day. The loft in our house is currently a barbie town, and there isn't a clean towel (or at least dry) in the house from all the kids swimming all day.


Jacob just got back from scout camp exhausted because they woke up at 4:30am every morning and went to bed at 10pm. It didn't help that the whole camp got the flu, including him. Doesn't that sound awful! He swears that they had to walk 3 miles each way for meals, and the black eye that he came home with is from wrestling with a bear (aka a bottle rocket). He is happy to be home, but now leaves tomorrow at 5am for the pioneer trek (more info on that when we get back). I do too in fact. I am going as a photographer.


Rachel is in reading heaven. She would read in bed all day if she could. I would too come to think of it. She came home from the library with literally 30 books in a huge bag. She is getting really good at cleaning, after a lot of training over the last few months. Yes, the training was painful for both of us. Her laundry mistakes have given us lots of pink clothes and shrunken items. I can't complain though, right?


I am still laughing over something Rebecca said to me the other night as I sat editing at the computer. She walks in and says, "I heard that some scientists think we come from monkeys. Me, "uh-huh." To which she replied, "Where'd the monkeys come from, geniuses." She is so funny.


You can now call Dave, Colonel Ives. He made Lt. colonel last month. Yeah Dave! And it looks like we are in Arizona until he retires. After his last heart attack, they said that Europe is out of the question. Which is sad, because we have been trying to be stationed there his whole career. The up side is that he can never be deployed over seas. So I am thankful for that. Notice that I said "I".


Last but not least, I think I will be hanging up the camera (at least professionally) for awhile. What little energy I have each day needs to go to something like making dinner. smile. We'll see how things go after the baby arrives. I'm sure my life will be a lot easier with 6 kids instead of 5. Ha, Ha. I say this all casually, but it actually has been very hard to come to this decision. For many reasons.


Well, that's it for now. No deep thoughts, just the facts. I have time to get maybe four hours of sleep. How does this happen to me? big sigh......

Lennon

Today Rachel had a little best friend. They hung out all day. Rachel did her hair and make-up and than paraded her around for us all to see. I had to take her picture. How could I resist. Is she not the cutest thing you have ever seen? She couldn't stop rubbing her lips together like above. The lip gloss felt so good. She felt she needed more. She was so excited that she was wearing mascara. When she told me she was, she said the word mascara in a reverent whisper. Such delight.

Rachel and Lennon together. Come over any time Lennon. You make us happy.

thought i'd share...

.....just a few more of this yummy yumkins.

the happy family.

Which one is your favorite???

great wall ideas.

Head on over to this sight for some fun ideas to hang your pictures. Thanks for sharing Rebeckah. http://rebekahwestover.blogspot.com/2009/06/using-photography-to-decorate-your-home.html

someone is excited to get married tomorrow.

This guy is a crack-up, and pretty pumped about his wedding tomorrow.

Doesn't she have gorgeous hair?

I love this tree. The bride and groom were too busy to even notice or care. ha.

This beautiful young lady is the daughter of the Peck's (if you know them). Here is another girl who thinks she looks bad in pictures. Again, I beg to differ.

See you in the morning guys for the big day!!!!

fun week.

Dave surprised the girls and took them to Ariel's grotto. It really was fun. All of the princesses come around talk and give autographs, and the food was actually good (that's what dave and i care about). smile.

I should have taken more pictures of the fun food presentation. I did take one of this white chocolate shell that was on the dessert plate. So cool.

See Rebecca's big "Grumpy" hat. Her expression tells you why we bought it for her. She has issues sometimes. ha.

We all got hats this time and wore them the whole time. It was fun!

Our last day we went to the character breakfast in the hotel. Jacob has three fingers up to show that this is his third helping at the buffet. That boy can eat!

Dave was able to fulfill some of his pirate dreams. His favorite moment was when he was coming back from the buffet and a kid at another table said, "Look Dad, Jack Sparrow is here." He couldn't have been happier. When Dave gets in a good mood he is so so funny! He heckled poor Miko to the point of Miko beating him with a fish that he borrowed from another character. We were all dying laughing! As we left he said, "see ya Miko suave."

This is dave's new saying for the kids.

It was a fun trip, but too short. We needed more time to spend with friends and family, but Jacob needed to be back for scout camp. We will be back. I forget how fabulous the weather is down there, and how much it feels like home. Although, wherever we visit, we want to move there. I guess we just like change.

just like christmas!

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

the new moon preview!!!!!
On that note, I leave you for a week on a family vaca.